Apocalyptic Foods

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If you’re reading this you may be one of the elite lucky few to come into possession of one of our delicious signature food products, Pop-alyptic Corn® and CheezGASM® all purpose cheese powder. You may even have gotten a FREE STICKER! Well, here’s a video recorded in YOUR timeline and beamed back from us Post-Apocalytes through our satellite link to our future, telling you more than you ever wanted to know about the correct way to put on a sticker:

Because we are buying ingredients from your timeline you need not worry about the toxins, germs and zombie-vector invasive protoplasms we had to deal with. Don’t let the label scare you. The cheese powder and black salt came from Amazon (the website, not the jungle), the nutritional yeast and the popcorn are from an Amish farm stand in Central New York. The black salt provides sulfur and other trace minerals highly recommended by Ayurvedic Yogis! You need to put butter or olive oil and/or sesame oil (add your own fat) on the popcorn so the powder has something to stick to.

We packaged it in reusable jars and cardboard tubes and used a repurposed twisty tie to close the bag. The QR code on the label will always bring you back to this page. If you need more cheeseGASM or you just want to know about our important work contact us. But, because we are constantly on the run from robots of the future white collar crime syndicate, Fat Baby Food ltd., and have more important things to do, we prefer to teach you to CheezGASM:

  • 1 part black salt
  • 6 parts powdered cheese
  • 12 parts nutritional yeast flakes
  • NOTE: you should sift the salt and cheese through a sieve to prevent clumping.
  • SHAKE the jar before using.
A food label reads--Spacerex BRAND CheezGASM. warning: MAY BE HABIT FORMING Shake Before Using. All-purpose cheese powder.
CheeseGASM all-purpose cheese powder label
a robot pov of the device that is playing back from this unidentified space wreckage

This is our work:

If you have been following the ghastly developments in OUR TIMELINE, you know that Fat Baby Food developed all kinds of nasty products there. In YOUR TIMELINE we have swiped their ®egistered Trademark and put out this line of spoof products. Now they can’t name their company Fat Baby Foods here in your world. Of course they are still out there and will probably just come for your guns and your freedom under another name.

But that’s why we’re here, the little butterfly beating it’s wings to make one small change in the deep state of the deterministic nonlinear system and make large differences in a later state to bring down the bad guys. That’s how we operate.

Food Label reads--Pop Alyptic Corn safe to eat FBF ltd. AIcorn hybrids, 10% smarter than you. Tat Baby Foods ltd. is a subsidiary of Kuanguo Yumi Lu (KYL corp), US Quango ...and more.
Pop Corn Label lays out the power structure of the future. Kuanguo Yumi Lu translates to “Multinational Corn Syrup Company.” The United States Quango is a consortium of kleptocrats who ran the country after the collapse and prior to the apocalypse.
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